Positivity for the pessimist

My watch says its 5:16pm. My laptop says my watch is 9 minutes too fast. It's hot outside. The air conditioner is working overtime. Every time the  toilet door is opened, a wave of heat passes over the room. It's a little uncomfortable but it's worse outside. The sun shows no sign of setting anytime soon. The roads are deserted, the heat wave is making people remain indoors.

In the background, Damien Marley's Road to Zion plays really low. The song completes the sorrowful mood that has settled over my room. This is my time. I'm half sitting on my bed as i begin to go through things that have happened this last week. I catch a stray tear as it races down my cheek. I'm too close to giving up. I just want it to rain so i can stand in it and cry my fears away. The grab bag of ideas that usually go through my head have given way to one consistent thought: I want out of this mental cage i am in.

There's nothing special about me

at least as far as i can see.

Sometimes i think the winds will come blow me away

and there'll be no proof i was once here.

I try to think about things to make me stray

but thoughts of disappointing people i cannot bear.

I wonder how it would feel to let go,

to be free from all responsibility.

No matter how tempting, it can never be so,

I have to wipe out all negativity.

There's nothing special about me

I just want to be free.

My Easter Basket of Eggs

Ah, the Easter season. For some of us, it was a holiday. A chance to go home and catch up on lost time with the family. I spent mine with my mum. Hilarious choice. My mum is an acquired taste. You have to understand her to understand her. Sometimes we don't. However, we understand. Are you with me so far?

She picked me from the airport and spent the one hour drive home talking to me about school and asking me about my boyfriend. Harmless huh? that's what i thought until we got to a wedding the next day and she was analyzing if i could get married to him.

My mum has an MSc in law. Good for her. Bad for us. Everything we say, can and will probably be used against us in the nearest future. Plus she never accepts when she is wrong. Arguing with her is like trying to tell a raging bull to stop; you will get run down.

Anyways, back home, im enjoying the food. My mum thinks im skinny so i have been asked to eat a lot. I obey this without any hesitation. I'm stuffing on chicken and turkey like it was thanksgiving.
Then she starts complaining that im at home too much. She wants me to go out. A friend of mine is having a house party. My mum says 'NO' I go out too much. Then she tells me i eat too much.

I'm counting down the hours until i leave. One hour to my departure time, we are having an argument over where the departure terminal is located. I win this, but she finds a way to turn it around.

I hug her and wave goodbye as i get checked-in. 'I'm going to miss my mum' i think as i compose a text to my dad. I'm definitely spending my next holiday with him.

What can i be but a friend?

I remember when the right phrase used to cause a rush of thoughts through my head. I heard something today and i knew it was the right inspiration but i could not find the right words to express myself. Is this how writer's block feels?

I'm still looking for the perfect cure for a broken heart. No, not my heart. I've learnt the hard way that life is not all about the good. The truth is, until i find that perfect cure for her, i cannot be anything but a friend. 

The feeling you get when someone you are crazy about says you're a good friend, is that equivalent to when a lover ends the relationship? 

A friend of mine once wished for a blue pill. Yes, just like the matrix. What if there was a pill that could erase all the feelings we had for a particular person?

P.s I think i should have titled this post unanswered questions but i like this title.hehe