Positivity for the pessimist

My watch says its 5:16pm. My laptop says my watch is 9 minutes too fast. It's hot outside. The air conditioner is working overtime. Every time the  toilet door is opened, a wave of heat passes over the room. It's a little uncomfortable but it's worse outside. The sun shows no sign of setting anytime soon. The roads are deserted, the heat wave is making people remain indoors.

In the background, Damien Marley's Road to Zion plays really low. The song completes the sorrowful mood that has settled over my room. This is my time. I'm half sitting on my bed as i begin to go through things that have happened this last week. I catch a stray tear as it races down my cheek. I'm too close to giving up. I just want it to rain so i can stand in it and cry my fears away. The grab bag of ideas that usually go through my head have given way to one consistent thought: I want out of this mental cage i am in.

There's nothing special about me

at least as far as i can see.

Sometimes i think the winds will come blow me away

and there'll be no proof i was once here.

I try to think about things to make me stray

but thoughts of disappointing people i cannot bear.

I wonder how it would feel to let go,

to be free from all responsibility.

No matter how tempting, it can never be so,

I have to wipe out all negativity.

There's nothing special about me

I just want to be free.